I am both cowardly and lazy – a terrible mix for blogging. Yet, in a bit of a New Year’s fervor I’ve decided to just commit to the task of sharing my thoughts with world, which basically means typing into the never ending ether that is the internet. The thing is you can’t just write a blog anymore, you need a theme or catch; something to hook a book deal with. I can’t say that my goals are anywhere near that lofty because, again, I am lazy and cowardly. However, here are some small goals for this blog:
- I would love to start the internet rumor that Colin Firth has a bread fetish. The problem is it nearly impossible to find any images of Colin Firth with food, much less bread. After many searches I found one image of Mr. Firth with a bar of chocolate. Following that, I found only one other image which pictures him sitting next to food at his favorite table. This is seriously odd, considering that a search of nearly any other celebrity eating will grant you a sea of images worthy of its own fetish. (Traipse on over to www.celebrities-eating.com to see what I mean.) The absolute lack of images of Firth eating makes me wonder if he has a gone out of his way to not be photographed while stuffing his face hole. What is he hiding? Answer: A bread fetish.
- My secondary goal would be to score a celebrity lunch with David Sedaris, Tina Fey and Mary Roach. By the end of the luncheon they will be convinced that I am a brilliant young talent and they will take me under their collective wing. Then we will ride off into the sunset on a single steed.*
In short, it’s the simple things that I’m after.
* Realistically, a lunch like this can only end in tears. David will say that my lunch choice is “unacceptable,” and Tina Fey will be insulted by my insistence on calling her by her full name. Roach would just be embarrassed by the whole ordeal and then write a book about it. They will all leave in a huff, but not without exchanging contact information and becoming the best of friends; bonding over their mutual hatred for me.