The NPR post

As part of my therapy, I’ve been monitoring what I do when I’m anxious or stressed —  the point being to catch myself early and take a breath, relax, etc. Interestingly, a side effect of being more conscious of your actions is that you become more aware of ALL the bat-shit things you do. And I don’t just mean the stuff you’re normally anxious about, like the fact that your teeth are a permanent momento mori (they just sit there in your head and die all day) –No, I mean the weird stuff that happens almost exclusively BECAUSE no one is around to see it.

One of the odd things that has stood out amongst the set of my daily behaviors is what I do when I’m alone in my car. In particular, what I do when “listening” to NPR.  Confession time: I love when people get into my car and hear the radio tuned to NPR. I like to think it makes me appear intellectual, mature, and in-the -know.

But here is the truth: I only play NPR so I can mimic the news correspondents’ accents.

Basically, I repeat EVERYTHING, and absorb next to nothing about the news.

I don’t know if I do this because I like the sound of my own voice, or I like the sound of my own voice pretending it belongs to other people. Regardless, I will probably keep doing it so long as British newsies continue to say “military” like “miltry,” and reporters from places like Senegal annunciate every “T” like they intend to hurt people with it – which is always.

I would like to think that this practice will come in handy someday- you know, when I become a meteorologist for the BBC.

Speaking of NPR, does anyone else think that Steve Inskeep sounds like he is saying “Steven Skeep”? Or is that solely my misconception?

"I say it fast on purpose."


Theme Restaurants that NEED to happen:

  • Slaw and Order: Hunger Intent   

Special feature: Instead of a door chime, when people walk in they hear “Dun!Dun!”

  • Downton Abbey Road to an impending lawsuit

Special features: Huge monitors live streaming from: The staff members glare at each other meaningfully, while serving food from soup tureens. Also, featuring the Dowager Duchess as a coat rack.

  • LOL Burgers: “Where everyone can has Cheeseburger!”

Special features: Stray cats, and health code violations.

  •  Dr.Who’s Coming for Dinner

Special features: Seemingly normal dinner until the patrons realize they have been blocked by a perception  filter that made them forget they were abducted by aliens, and have been traveling in space for twenty years.