Initially, I was going to write a rant about how pillows are nearly always positioned the WRONG way on TV, but it turns out images of sitcom bedroom scenes are not easy to google without coming across some twisted Everybody Loves Raymond shit. My search also made me realize that there are a vast array of strange pillow designs that should NOT exist, but do (perhaps to “cushion” the onslaught of Ray Romano Porn).
Anyway, here are some of my strangest finds:
1. The Wearable Office pillow:
This collar, tie, and sleeve combo offers a super inconspicuous way of sleeping on the job. Bonus: If you really want to get out of work you can say you have radical elephantiasis.
2. The Corny Pillow:
"Nooo, my spine isn't bent weird at all right now."
I can’t even think of a more straight forward way to tell your kids you think they have no friends. “This pillow is shaped like that food you love, only you can name all the kernels and invite them to tea on your new yellow play mat (the play mat that is a constant reminder that no matter how hard you try, you will never be one of them). Happy Birthday!”
3. Truncated lady:
"Soo much more comfy than the dead woman in my freezer."
…This depresses me to the core. My truncated lady core –Ha! But seriously, what does this say about the human condition? (The lower half, that is.)
4. Sawing Logs
"I'm so meta, right now."
This one isn’t that crazy, but I think any image where models are forced to pose with dumb objects is worth sharing. Just look at her trying to make that dumb log pillow sexy. Work for that check, girl! Someday you’ll be a star!
5. The Hard Core Plush Blood Puddle
It's ok, she has a care bear Life Alert system on standby.
I’ll admit this seems cool, until you realize you have to lie down on gross surfaces in order to create a convincing effect. Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t just casually hang out on the bathroom floor. Also when you aren’t lying on it, it will just look like a plush diagram of the liver (which, depending on your decorating aesthetic, could be a plus).
6. Paleontologists Dreams
And lastly, this straight-dope pillow set is just what you needed for that unsightly guest room/gallery with incredibly high ceilings. Now you can greet your guest with science and comfort. You’re welcome.