Sears& Roebuck Theater

While sightseeing in Fairfax yesterday, we ended up at the lovely Fair Oaks shopping mall –It’s considered, “one of the region’s largest premier shopping destinations.”

Though perhaps not the most historical of destinations, I’m pretty sure we witnessed a golden moment in retail history as we stood in line at Sears. A woman sidled up to the counter with a brown paper bag containing a set of well-used cast iron skillets.  There was no box, tags, receipt or any indication that this set had recently hob-knobbed with other cookery on the  shelf of any store. So, as anyone who has worked retail may have already guessed, this lady was intent on making a return.  Translation: Time to grab a seat, and watch the show.

The insistent woman clamored things like, “These pans made me sick!” and  “I purchased these only a couple of months ago, just  look it up on my card!” and “If you value your job, why are you just standing there,” as the cashiers all exchanged knowing looks that said, “This bitch here is why I will not miss your fat faces when I quit.” To complicate matters, the lady had a very heavy accent. So heavy, it seemed to burden the cashier and render her unable to explain how UPC numbers work, or why she couldn’t track a transaction by simply wishing it into existence. But the real coup de grace, was when the manager informed the client that she had never seen this item, and was certain they did not carry skillets at her store.   The nerve!  I wanted to stand up and applaud, but instead I just stood there with mouth agape at a relatively safe distance .

Needless to say, for this show I will be recommending the Fair Oaks Mall to any wayfaring soul traveling in the DC metro area.

Oh, and Sears totally carries skillets. .


On the Road

I’m currently in Virginia and have been off the internet for nearly 30 hours (equal to 5 reddit years)!  I drove up with a friend who was nice enough to invite me along so I could see my sister. So far I’ve learned:

I hadn’t noticed this before, because whenever I drive up here with Nick we stop once (if at all). This time around it was a car full of girls, so we literally stopped once every hour.

  • Also learned, tweens say the darndest things: “What if giant people just picked us to pet us, like we do to animals?”
  • My sister is far cooler than I give her credit for ( I kind of just tell everyone she’s crazy….and she is, just not any more than the average individual).
  • Nick’s productivity level soars when I’m out of the house.  Here’s a pic of the huge hand-sewn bear he completed in my absence:
    Beary Cute

    Boom! Bear!

    Seriously,  the bear is huge. Anywho,  I’m here until Friday so post will be sporadic (as usual).  But here’s a fun link  to assuage my guilt in case I can’t post later:

For love of Gumption

[After I swallowed yet another piece of gum…]

Nick: Again?! Geez, remind me not to ever give you anything nice in gum form.

Cass: Um…like gum? What other “nice” things come in gum form?

Nightmare fuel

DO NOT say gum sculpture.

*Ahem* Just so that it doesn’t seem like I’m trying to portray my husband as a dimwit, I’ll add that in the past week he finished reading Shoshana Felman’s Jacques Lacan and the Adventure of Insight and has now moved on to Freud (for fun), all in addition to taking graduate level math courses. Plus, he’s hand sewing a teddy bear for my new born nephew. Meanwhile, I have spent full days alternating between reading teen fiction and browsing reddit, all the while contemplating whether or not to write a blog about peeing in the shower. So see, I need to celebrate the small moments when I get to be the smart one.

Pictured: Man who knows nothing of gummy horrors, accompanied by woman who may or may not have peed in the shower.

This Mess

Color me not-amused, after watching last night’s premiere of The Choice on Fox. The show that, “forces contestants to first rely on personality over looks to get a date,” ( NYdailynews).

Let’s be clear, no choices on the show are based on personality.  In a nutshell, the “celebrity” contestants (I put celebrity in quotes, because each one made me do a “Who?” face) listen to a woman pitch herself for 30 seconds before deciding if they want to turn around and pick her for a potential date.  Basically, in first round the guys flip their chairs around based on audience reaction.

Much like the show the Voice, the contestants have to collect three women to create a team that they will whittle down in the following rounds. Here’s a clip that demonstrates the misogynistic scene: Que Horrible! 

In the second round the girls emerge with pageant sashes emblazoned with the male contestant’s name.

Seriously, am I the only one that sees this?

In this unstructured question/answer round each couple gets about 15 seconds to shout conversation at each other. “What? You lived on a farm? My favorite color is purple! ”

The first girl in each dating pool is eliminated based on this highly intellectual exchange.

And in the final round the guys go through the motions of the game, even though they have clearly already chosen who they think is hottest.

The show was highly disturbing to my female psyche. Primarily, I don’t understand how going on a date with Pauly D is seen as a prize. What is wrong with this planet?

File under: EVERYTHING that is wrong with this planet.  

On the flip side, I do have to admit that the participants are grown-ass women who are capable of making their own educated choices about appearing on a dating show.  I think that’s the bit that disturbs me most of all. I’m looking at you Cat Deeley. My jimmies, you rustled them.


Grown Up Challenge

I feel like I passed a grown-up test! Not only did I remember how to make something we needed for our meal, I  actually had all the ingredients in stock!! This must be what accomplished adults feel like all the time.

Never mind that it was only two ingredients, and that I was making tartar sauce… to accompany frozen fish sticks. You shut your judgey face hole, I am a grown up!

Fit for an epicure!

CATegorically Awful

As a consequence of moving forward with my life and starting student teaching, I had to quit my old job as a school receptionist. This brings up all kinds of emotions that will remain happily suppressed while I write about something else (that is slightly related).

At the school where I worked, the office and clinic are connected to each other. And because the clinic houses the coffee pot, I spent a lot of time in there. Anyway, everyday for two years I was greeted by this thing:

“I assure you, I am medically trained. Plus, if anything goes wrong you still have eight more lives. Right?”

This doesn’t belong to the current nurse or the nurse before her, so the origin of this porcelain feline is a mystery. And somehow, being made of porcelain increases the creepy-factor by ten.

It also makes me think of the Sisters of Plenitude from the first episode in the second season of the modern Dr.Who series.  (We’ll just pretend that wasn’t a geeky sentence to write.)

More like Sisters of CAT-itude, amirite! right?

I will miss you, weird cat doll! Never stop creepin’.