Sears& Roebuck Theater

While sightseeing in Fairfax yesterday, we ended up at the lovely Fair Oaks shopping mall –It’s considered, “one of the region’s largest premier shopping destinations.”

Though perhaps not the most historical of destinations, I’m pretty sure we witnessed a golden moment in retail history as we stood in line at Sears. A woman sidled up to the counter with a brown paper bag containing a set of well-used cast iron skillets.  There was no box, tags, receipt or any indication that this set had recently hob-knobbed with other cookery on the  shelf of any store. So, as anyone who has worked retail may have already guessed, this lady was intent on making a return.  Translation: Time to grab a seat, and watch the show.

The insistent woman clamored things like, “These pans made me sick!” and  “I purchased these only a couple of months ago, just  look it up on my card!” and “If you value your job, why are you just standing there,” as the cashiers all exchanged knowing looks that said, “This bitch here is why I will not miss your fat faces when I quit.” To complicate matters, the lady had a very heavy accent. So heavy, it seemed to burden the cashier and render her unable to explain how UPC numbers work, or why she couldn’t track a transaction by simply wishing it into existence. But the real coup de grace, was when the manager informed the client that she had never seen this item, and was certain they did not carry skillets at her store.   The nerve!  I wanted to stand up and applaud, but instead I just stood there with mouth agape at a relatively safe distance .

Needless to say, for this show I will be recommending the Fair Oaks Mall to any wayfaring soul traveling in the DC metro area.

Oh, and Sears totally carries skillets. .


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